“People think you’re so sweet, but I know the truth.”
When my ex said these words, I knew they weren’t true. But momentarily there was something resembling comfort in the idea that instead of being outright rejected by him, I just needed to “do better.” I preferred self-rejection. Unfortunately, a pattern formed from the lie that somehow comforted and hurt me.
Unhealthy thought processes and people-pleasing ways, welcome to my world.
Striving for acceptance and suppressing my own needs and ideas, I hope you enjoy your stay.
For years, this was my life. Friendships. Relationships. Acquaintance-ships. I became less and less familiar with the core of who I was. Only to find if the relationship ended, the story that emerged about me wasn’t about me at all, but who I’d become in that scenario.
How do we begin to own the story that is ours?
When “life” happens, it’s tempting to allow a temporary shift in perspective to become permanent. We lean toward embracing lies that brought comfort, distraction, or maybe even protection at a vulnerable moment. However, it’s imperative we train ourselves to recognize lies and embrace new possibilities.
To that end, I shared this acronym at an event recently. I hope you find these tips helpful in evolving your story to a tale of triumph!
S – Steer your speech away from shame (and blame).
Your story is skewed by speaking from a place of shame, or consistently assigning blame. Make your transformation the focus of your story. The supporting cast is just that; you’re the star. Good or bad, you’re the only ‘character’ you can control!
T – Take back your thoughts.
Envy, fear, and pride shift your thoughts into every shape except the truth! We often behave irrationally when we’re overly concerned with what people will say about us or our choices. It’s important to avoid comparison and keep a tight rein on our thoughts to drive them in the direction of truth.
O – Overcome by getting over YOU.
Your story is shaped by your self-perception. Get real about where you are, versus where you thought you should be…and honestly evaluate the good parts of your current situation. You may be surprised!
R – Recognizing your responsibility is a relationship philosophy.
Do you perform according to a specific pattern in your relationships? Perhaps you don’t realize it. Take time to identify the role you’ve played in the success (or demise) of your relationships and accept responsibility. Only then can you begin to direct future relationships in the direction you want them to go.
Y – Your lips write your happy (or not-so-happy) ending.
What are you saying? How much do you talk about what was done “to you,” instead of where you’re headed? We possess power to transform our lives by changing how we relate the narrative and tone of past events. But, it’s not until we realize that “we see what we say” that we make essential changes.
Thoughts? Share in the comments!