As a divorcee, I went through numerous stages after the relationship broke down. Prior to accepting my responsibility in the breakdown, I exhibited a series of behaviors that corresponded to those emotional stages. The behaviors were habits I picked up as a way to either protect myself, or get some relief from the pain of my circumstances.
At one point, I was angry. At another, I was victim. At my worst, I was a self-righteous martyr. It wasn’t until my focus rested in the mirror that I traveled full circle in the direction of truth.
Through it all, my friends endured my lopsided stories. Though I was sharing my “heart,” I wasn’t disclosing major pieces of truth. I didn’t know I was lying to them because I was lying to myself. Once I began seeing my truth, I learned that the path leading to wholeness included me choosing to share it. Why? So that if I ever lost my way again, I had people to help me get back on track.
Everyone’s process to wholeness is different because each of us is as different our experiences. However, there are some ways each of us can approach wholeness and intentionally bring others onboard.
- Study the mirror.
Self-inventory is an indicator of maturity. It may be tough to look at yourself, with no mask or make-up and nothing hidden or covered. But, it’s a necessary first step. Knowing yourself will help you identify those qualified to walk alongside you.
- Be honest.
Decide to be 100% real about what you learned in the mirror. No excuses, no cover up. Without full exposure, your reference point is jeopardized. With the wrong reference point, you have the potential of going the wrong direction.
- Look around.
Be intentional about noticing the people in your environment. Take note of how they respond to you and others. Ask God if they are a part of your team competing for your wholeness goal.
- Humble yourself.
When you identify a person meant to be on your team, humbly respond. Invite them out for coffee or lunch and talk. Begin to open your heart and ask if they would mind walking with you. If they can’t commit right now, ask someone else. It will take time, humility, and vulnerability to assemble your team.
- Start over.
Be willing to change your habits and thought patterns. You’re not going through this process to have the same outcome as before, so it’s important to change your input. Don’t be afraid to lean on your team. Trust the people God sends and allow Him to use them to help you travel a new path.
No matter where you are in your healing journey, it’s likely some combination of these steps can help you get from healed to whole. Have you committed to a “by any means necessary” strategy to become fully whole again?
Perhaps you’re called to walk with someone through the steps to wholeness. Is your testimony the key to someone opening their heart to you so that God can mend it? Whether it’s for you or someone you know, WHOLE is still the goal!